I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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