U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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