I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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