When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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