if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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