Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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