There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
ttyl tear gas
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
