You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
