Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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