I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize