we're blogging at a bar
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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