Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
