he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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