is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
