My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Randomize
