That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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