we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
