it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
