Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize