So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
