i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
