i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
