It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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