We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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