i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
