you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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