Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
