I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
