I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I think I just sharted jello shots
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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