The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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