if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
