ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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