omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
