Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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