At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
