I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
