i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize