my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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