somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
