we made out on top of his cat.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize