theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
