You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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