Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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