It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
