I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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