i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
