and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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