Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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