Dual....:-)
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
