ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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