you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
porn star boner night. come get it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
