I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
