Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Congratulations! We have a period
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize