I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
