I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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