So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
