and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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