He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
