my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
