Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I will pee on everything he values.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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