first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
