My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
