Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
