that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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