he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
