I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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