I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
