Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
barbara walters just said penis...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
