Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
