she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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