why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
