I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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