Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize