I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
