so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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